A Real PageTurner
by Karl Kadaver
Summary: Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell, one of Celestia's faithful students, has been given the task to retrieving another book.  This time, in Canterlot's Royal Library...


_AN: I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Celestia, or Twilight Sparkle. But wouldn't it be cool if I did? Quilliam bartholomew Inkwell is mine._

**A Real Page-Turner**

Having placed the final book on her shelf, Twilight Sparkle turned to her Canterlotian unicorn friend, Quill Inkwell. "Thanks for staying to help me organize all these new editions you delivered. It would've taken a lot longer if you weren't here."

Quill smiled as he packed the old books into his saddlebags. "It's my pleasure, Miss Twilight. I'm more than happy to help out a fellow 'bookie'." He turned to inspect their work. The shelves were packed tightly with the combined knowledge of hundreds of ponies from over the course of generations. He'd be willing to bet that there were books here that couldn't even be found in Canterlot's Royal Library if he looked hard enough. "It's a good thing I got them here. That copy you had of _Exploring the Aether for Fun and Profit_ is at least two editions old! I can't even imagine what would have happened if you had tried to use some of the outdated spells in there!"

Twilight blushed. "Well…it's not just that reason that I'm happy you stayed. I… I have a confession…"

Quill turned toward his friend. "Oh? What is it?"

Twilight's voice almost became a whisper as she slowly approached him. "Quill… I… I…"

"Yes?"

"CAW!" Twilight's eyes took on a wild quality and she began to flap her front hooves. "CAW! CAW!"

*pop*

Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell tossed and turned in his bed before finally grumbling, "Edgar…Just gimme five more minutes…" He pulled his bed sheets up over his head, which Edgar, the unicorn's faithful raven assistant, promptly yanked off. The impetuous avian landed on Quill's head and began picking at the colt's ear, causing him to thrash out of his bed. "Fine! I'm up!" Getting onto all fours, the colt glared at his assistant. "You can be quite impetuous sometimes. You know that?" It was at this point that he noted that his horn felt tingly and he shook his head violently in an attempt to remedy the embarrassing condition.

Edgar cawed affirmatively and puffed out his chest.

Quill rolled his eyes. "Of course you do…" Moving to his window, he opened it and squinted his eyes at the bright sunlight outside, then turned his attention to what the rest of his hometown was doing. The view from his loft never ceased to impress him. From his place on the third floor of one of the castle's many, many wings, he could see a great deal of Canterlot. Most of the land was covered in a blanket of white, as it was still winter time. And there on the horizon, almost out of view, was Ponyville and, by extension, the home of Twilight Sparkle. He muttered, "And I'd still be there, if _SOME_ one," he glared at Edgar, "would've let me sleep."

The raven cawed again and lifted his leg, bringing to Quill's attention a letter tied to it. Part of the unicorn was envious of those students who had magical creatures as their familiars, such as dragons and the like. He had heard that some can send and receive messages almost instantaneously. He snickered as he imagined Edgar belching up a letter from the Princess.

Using his magic, he untied the letter from his assistant's leg and read it aloud:

_Dear Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell,_

_I, Princess Celestia, have an important mission for you. Please report to my throne room personally at your earliest convenience._

Quill gulped deeply. He knew that "at your earliest convenience" was Royal Code for "_**NOW!**_" and that he was most likely already late. He quickly checked his mane in a nearby mirror, and after gathering his things: a pair of saddlebags, some paper, several quills, and a few bottles of ink, he dashed out of his room.

* * *

><p>"Excuse me! Pardon me!" Quill dashed through the hallways of the castle, as he had done many times in his life, dodging ponies left and right with many giving him dirty looks as he passed. Just before making it to the throne room, he ran headlong into a royal guard. The pegasus guard barely budged an inch while the unfortunate unicorn took a moment to recover.<p>

"State your business!" the guard demanded.

Quill shook his head. "Give me a second, please." He wobbled back and forth, still attempting to recover from the impact. _Who knew that the guards were so…solid?_

"State what business you have with the Princess!"

"If you'll just give me a second…" Quill replied, fishing through his saddlebag. _I know I have the letter around here somewhere…_

"What business have you with Her Royal Majesty?"

"Great Celestia!" Quill shouted, "How many ways do you have to issue the same command? Do you carry a thesaurus under all that armor?"

The guard seemed taken aback, but replied, "As a matter of fact…"

"Ah, Quilliam. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. Come on in, my little pony." Celestia's voice rang out from inside her throne room. "It's quite alright, Guard. You may let him in."

The guard replied to the Princess, "Very well." Turning to Quill, he stated, "You may enter. Don't make a nuisance of yourself."

Quill nodded to the guard. "Thank you. My sincerest apologies for shouting at you." As he stepped into the throne room, the guard's eyes followed him.

* * *

><p>Quill had always been startled by how loud the throne room's doors were when they closed, and this time was no exception. He also couldn't help but notice that the Princess snickered when he jumped slightly. After regaining his composure, he straightened himself up and addressed the Princess in as formal of a tone as he could muster. He cleared his throat before saying, "Your Highness. I am sincerely sorry for my late arrival. I assure you, it won't happen again."<p>

The Princess chuckled, "I'm sure it won't, Quilliam. Please, step forward."

The unicorn took a step forward. He had learned from his teachers early on that when in the presence of the Princess, that one must never, ever speak out of turn, and follow her orders to the letter. He stared at her expectantly. This task was made all the easier as Quill believed that the Princess was probably the most beautiful mare in all of Equestria. He sincerely hoped that he wasn't staring, but wouldn't be surprised if he was. He fidgeted slightly, awaiting the Princess's next command.

Celestia didn't disappoint, but she did let him wait longer than he would've liked. "Quilliam."

"Yes! Your Majesty!"

Celestia chuckled again. "Please take a step to your left."

The unicorn cast a quizzical glance in her direction, but obediently took a step to his left. As his hooves left the plush carpeting and landed on the hard stone, they produced a sharp click.

"Excellent. Now, hear my words…"

Quill immediately used his magic to withdraw a quill and paper from his saddlebag. He also knew from his teachers that it was wise to record every word that the Princess spoke in one's presence. Upon bringing them to his front, he discovered that the implements were covered in ink. "WHA-!" He let the paper and quill fall to the floor and spun around and saw to his horror that one of his containers of ink had broken and had leaked all over the inside of his saddlebag, and that same container had leaked onto the carpet in the throne room!

Panicking and breathing heavily, Quill threw the saddlebags off of his back and quickly began rummaging through it to find the offending glass container. In between tossing paper and quills to either side of him, he would occasionally poke his head out of his bag to apologize profusely to the Princess. "I-I-I- I'm sorry! I'm- I'm so sorry! I-I-I- d-didn't mean to-!"

Suddenly, a yellow glow enveloped Quill's saddlebags. The bags raised up off of the floor, and turned over, spilling its entire contents into a space just below the bags' openings; nothing touched the floor, not even the spilled ink from the broken ink container. All of his implements hung in space. Quill turned toward the Princess, knowing that she was the source of the glow. He bowed deeply and in a voice barely more audible than a whisper he said, "I'm sorry, Princess…"

Rather than immediately banishing the unicorn, however, the Princess chuckled a little. "You really don't need to carry so much, Quilliam. Let's take this load off of your back." She brought the bag closer to her and inspected it. "I'll have the Royal Tailor make you a new one. I'll be sure to replace all of your instruments as well." As she moved Quill's things out of view, she stated, "Now, on to why I asked you here…"

Quill immediately shot up to attention. "Princess!"

"I am in need of another volume. The tome is question is called 'The Perky Princess's Guide for Proper Party Planning, by Lady Crème de la Crème III.' It should be in the Royal Library. I cannot ask the librarian to bring it himself, since he is very busy at the moment. He recommended you for the task."

The brownish unicorn touched his hoof to his forehead and muttered something.

"Quilliam," the Princess inquired, "What _are_ you doing?"

"Oh!" Quill snapped out of his reverie. "I'm memorizing the title of the book. Uhm…if you don't mind me asking, are you _sure_ it's in the Royal Library?"

Celestia smiled, recalling the last errand that she had sent Quilliam on, ending up with the unicorn travelling all the way to Ponyville to find a book that had been in the Royal Library the entire time. "I am certain. I've already contacted Twilight Sparkle about it, and she claims to not have it."

"Oh." Quill hung his head. He was actually looking forward to travelling once again to Ponyville, and visiting the new friends he had made there.

"Do not worry, my little pony. Winter Wrap Up is approaching. Did you not make plans to attend the one in Ponyville?"

Quill's expression brightened. "I did! I- I mean, I have. Uh…with your permission, of course."

The Princess smiled and nodded.

After a moment of silence, the young unicorn chuckled. "Aheh… I suppose I should find that book for you now, Your Majesty."

Celestia smiled. "That would be nice."

Quill bowed deeply and left the throne room.

* * *

><p>Quill had always been impressed by the sheer <em>size<em> of the Royal Library. The stacks of books seemed to go on for miles. There was nary a volume that couldn't be found in the massive library, and Quill knew it. When he attended class at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns, he would spend his downtime exploring the rows and rows of books. He tried to recall the amount of hours that he had spent here before an elderly stallion's voice rang out, "Hey, Quill! Nice ta' see ya'!"

The unicorn turned to greet his old friend, Dewey. Dewey was a grey earth pony with a mane to match and an open book for a Cutie Mark. He had many years on Quill, so many in fact that the young unicorn couldn't remember a time before there even _was_ a Dewey. "Hiya, Dewey!" He stepped up to the massive desk that the grey pony was manning. He appeared to be organizing some books and putting them on a cart.

The elder pony looked up from his work for a moment. "So, the Princess got ya, did she?" He lifted a hefty volume and placed it on the cart. Quill noted that the work was the newest edition of _Exploring the Aether for Fun and Profit._

"Yes, sir. She wants me to find 'The Pesky Princess's Guide for Proper Party Planning, by Lady Crème de la Crème.'" A light orange glow surrounded one of the tomes as Quill magically lifted it and placed on the cart for his friend.

The stallion gave Quill a quizzical glance. "_'Pesky'_ Princess's Guide, young Quilliam? Perhaps you mean the _Perky_ Princess's Guide, eh?" he snickered. "You know, my great grandsire and Lady Crème de la Crème used to be an item? Yup! Those two threw the best parties in all of Canterlot!" The grey pony heaved another book onto the cart.

"Seriously?" The young unicorn would've inquired more about it if he wasn't on a mission for the Princess. He always thought Dewey had the most interesting stories. "You'll have to tell me more about it sometime!" Noticing that the cart appeared to be fully loaded, Quill took a step toward it. "I'll take those for you, if you want."

Dewey smiled and stretched, causing popping sounds to emanate from his back. "Well, that's be mighty good of ya, Quill. These old bones could use a rest. I thank ya."

The young unicorn bowed to his elder and wheeled the cart into the library proper.

* * *

><p>"…and <em>that's<em> the last one!" Quill levitated the copy of "The Picky Pony's Guide for Picking out the Perfect Gemstones" into its place. "It's a good thing I saved the last one for when I got the 'P' section of the 'How-To' shelves!" The young unicorn grinned to himself. "I surprise myself sometimes! Now…'Perky'…'Perky'…P-E…" His gaze followed the rows of books. "P-E-T…P-E-S…P-E-R…aha!" He raised a hoof and traced the spines of the books in front of him. Then he traced them backward. He scratched his head and traced them again.

"That's odd…I can't find it…" He raised his glasses and squinted as he examined the shelves more closely. "It should be…right…here." He scratched his head again. "Hmm…" he wondered. "Maybe it's in another section…? I'll check the 'T's, for 'The'." He trotted over to the T section and examined the volumes contained therein. "The Perky Princess's Guide for Proper Party Planning" was nowhere to be found, as Quill expected. After all, books that begin with the word "The" aren't sorted under the 'T's'. They're sorted, as the book-loving unicorn already knew, under the first letter of the next word. The subject.

He walked back to the 'P's and tried again, but to no avail. "Odd…" Quill shrugged. "Perhaps it's in another section. Dewey made it sound like it was written a long time ago, judging by how he said that his great _grandsire_ knew the author. Maybe it's under 'Classics.'"

So, he checked there.

And failed to find it.

Then 'General Non-Fiction.' Then 'Humor,' 'Biography', 'Autobiography', 'Science Fiction', 'Cookbooks', 'Fantasy', 'Gaming Manuals', 'History', 'Historical Fiction', 'Choose-Your-Own Adventure', 'Pop-Psychology', 'General Psychology', 'Armchair Psychology', and even 'General Magic and Spellcasting'.

"AAAUUUGGHHH! I CAN'T FIND IT!" Quill's voice echoed throughout the stacks and shelves of books. The young unicorn's panic was rising as he checked every section once again.

* * *

><p>"It's not here…"<p>

"It's not here…"

"It's not here…"

His eyes darted side to side as he stalked through the aisles. "Why can't I find it? Where _are you, BOOK? Come out, come out, wherever you are_…Heehee… It must be here…the Princess said it was." A wild grin crossed his face. "And she's _always…RIGHT!_" The young unicorn smacked himself in the head with his hoof. "_CORRECT! She's always…CORRECT!_"

"No, no…I have to look at things more…_RATIONALLY_!" He rubbed his hooves together. "Yes… Much. More. Rationally…" His eye twitched. "If _I_ were a book, where would _I_ be?" He looked up. "Of course! I'd be on the highest shelf! Yes…that's where I'd be…hehe… Up above all the other _common_ books. Yes…" he hissed, as he found a nearby ladder and began his ascent. "I'd be the _KING_ of books. I'd have a castle with gates…and a moat! With crocodiles! To devour any _barbarian_ books." He glared at the cookbook section. "Oh, yes! Don't think I don't know what you're up to! I see you there with your delicious cakes and muffins…Trying to sweet talk your way into _MY KINGDOM!"_

"_**I WON'T STAND FOR IT!**_" He thrust a hoof in the cookbooks' direction, nearly causing him to fall off the ladder. Wrapping himself around the ladder to steady himself, he suddenly shouted at the Fiction section. "Don't you laugh at me! You're next!" He resumed his climb and checked the tops of the shelves.

The book wasn't there.

* * *

><p>"I finally understand what's going on," Quill explained to a worn copy of 'Basic Spells of Beginning Unicorns.' He and the book had travelled down the General Spellcasting aisles for some time now, and had gotten to know each other rather well. "You see… I should've realized it sooner."<p>

"Oy?" Quill had the book answer in a very thick cockney accent. "Then wot is it, guv'nah?"

"Well… I'm a little embarrassed to say this, but… I think the Princess set me up again."

The book gave him a questioning glance.

"Ugh…I _told_ you. The Princess sent me to Ponyville so I could make up with Twilight Sparkle. That was a while ago."

"Oy, yeah. That's a right fit mare there, eh guv?" The book nudged Quill in the side. "Wink wink, nudge nudge, eh? Heh!"

"Hey! Don't talk about her like she's some cheap…tramp! She's much more classy than that."

"Oy, that's wot she wants ya ta think…" the book snickered.

"SHUT UP!" Quill threw the book into the shelf in front of him, causing several books to tumble from their place.

"Blimey! Don't ya know a joke when y'ear one, guv?"

Quill smacked himself in the forehead with a hoof. "I'm sorry. I think I need to sit." The book took on a faintly orange glow as the unicorn levitated it and moved it toward him. "C'mere a minute. I'll tell you what happened."

"I don't right know if I wanna know now. That really hurt."

"Too bad. You're going to listen" Quill cleared his throat. "So, I went to the Princess in her throne room today."

The book nodded, slightly disinterested.

"And I _accidentally_ leaked some ink onto the carpet… That's when she hatched her plan, you see. She's very clever like that. Anyway…" Quill stopped for a moment and a realization hit him. "No…she hatched her plan _long_ before that. Of course!" He picked up the book in his forehooves and excitedly explained, "It was because I was _TARDY!_ The Princess doesn't like when her students are tardy! Do you know what happened to the last student who failed to report to her on time? I DON'T EITHER!" He let out a maniacal giggle. "Oh, and then, on top of that all… I _assaulted_ a Royal Guard! _THEN…oh…and then… _The coup de gras… I spilled _INK_ all over her precious _CARPET!_ INK! Can you believe it? It's her fault, really. INK IS IN MY NAME, for crying out loud! She's been looking for a good reason to banish me for a while now, and she's finally found it. I can imagine it now… 'Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell, you are hereby charged with wanton destruction of royal property, tardiness, assaulting a Royal Guard, and you didn't FIND MY BOOK!"

Quill's eyes darted around the room. "You know what," he whispered to the book in a conspiratorial tone. "I'll bet _she_ has it. And that's why it's not here. Why I'll bet that any second now, she'll be here with a smug grin on her fa-"

"Quilliam Bartholomew Inkwell!" Princess Celestia's voice rang out from behind him. "What is the meaning of this?"

The young unicorn suddenly felt as if he was crushed by hundreds of rocks. Stiffly, he turned to face the Princess. As he turned, he saw that the library was in chaos. Books were strewn everywhere, ladders were set up across aisles like bridges, and some shelves were toppled over. When he finally faced her, he saw that his old friend, Dewey was also present, and also none too happy with him. The young unicorn gulped deeply.

Celestia gazed sternly at her subject. "I was coming in here to inform you the Twilight Sparkle had found the book. It was in her friend, Pinkie Pie's, possession." She looked around at the destruction that Quill had caused. "And instead of finding you diligently searching for the book, I find you…well, to be honest, I'm not quite sure _what_ you were doing…"

Quill stammered something, but it was too inaudible for anypony to make out.

"Eh? Come again, Quill?" Dewey asked.

Quill hung his head shamefully. "I…I…let my imagination run away with me. My most sincere apologies…" He straightened himself up. "If you want to banish me, Princess, I understand…"

Celestia drew back in surprise. "Banish you? Now why on Equestria would I do that?"

"Well…look what I've done…"

The Princess smiled. "Well, I won't _banish_ you, Quilliam. This time... But I do believe that I have a more suitable punishment for you."

Quill gulped.

Celestia turned toward Dewey. "If you'll allow it, Dewey, I request that you have Quilliam organize every shelf and put every volume in its rightful place." She looked at Quill. "He is also hereby _forbidden_ from checking out any books until his task is complete."

Dewey nodded solemnly. He knew that, for Quill at least, that was a far worse punishment than being banished.

"Very well." With those words, a flash filled the room as the Princess teleported away and onto more pressing matters.

Dewey pushed a broom in Quill's direction. "You heard the Princess. Get to work."

Quill levitated the broom and begun to sweep. "Say, Mister Dewey?"

"Hm?"

"Will you tell me about your great grandsire and Lady Crème de la Crème?"

Dewey smiled. "Well…seein' as you have a lot of time on your hooves now… Sure…"


End file.
